When I was about 3 months pregnant I got the call that my cousin had taken her own life. She left her parents, brother, sister, 4 beautiful children, and other family members behind. She was 38 years old.
When I was little I looked up to her as a big sister. She was my favorite. When I got older we slowly started to grow apart. She started her family and I was going to college and never had time to go visit. In 2009 she had her last baby, a beautiful little girl, but she couldn't take care of her. She started taking pills and doing drugs. She went to get help a few times that year and the years following but that didn't work. I stopped talking to her at that point, wouldn't even look at her if we were in the same room when I went to visit my aunt and uncle. Looking back now I think she had postpartum depression and it was never taken care of and went in to depression. I wish I could have done something. I could have asked her how she was doing and not just left her. I wish could have saved her. But I didn't do anything. I will never forgive myself for not telling her that I loved her and that I was there for her, even though she wasn't the same person I used to know.
K, I pray for you in heaven and I pray for your children. I pray for your almost 16 year old daughter that won't get to have you there to help her get ready for prom or won't be there to help her pick out a college or decide on what degree to pursue, nor help her get ready at her wedding. I pray for your 10 year old son that didn't get to have you as a mom and won't get to have a mother-son dance at his wedding. I pray for your 9 year old daughter who probably won't remember you when she grows up. I pray for your 5 year old daughter that is being raised by her grandparents, my aunt and uncle, while she remembers you coming around, you weren't there like you should have been. I pray that one day these children will forgive you and understand that it wasn't you that did this, it was the depression that took you away from us, not just in May of 2014 but years ago.
K, when I look up in the sky and I see a star brighter than the others, I believe its you looking down on us and watching us, wishing you where still here with us.
When I was little I looked up to her as a big sister. She was my favorite. When I got older we slowly started to grow apart. She started her family and I was going to college and never had time to go visit. In 2009 she had her last baby, a beautiful little girl, but she couldn't take care of her. She started taking pills and doing drugs. She went to get help a few times that year and the years following but that didn't work. I stopped talking to her at that point, wouldn't even look at her if we were in the same room when I went to visit my aunt and uncle. Looking back now I think she had postpartum depression and it was never taken care of and went in to depression. I wish I could have done something. I could have asked her how she was doing and not just left her. I wish could have saved her. But I didn't do anything. I will never forgive myself for not telling her that I loved her and that I was there for her, even though she wasn't the same person I used to know.
K, I pray for you in heaven and I pray for your children. I pray for your almost 16 year old daughter that won't get to have you there to help her get ready for prom or won't be there to help her pick out a college or decide on what degree to pursue, nor help her get ready at her wedding. I pray for your 10 year old son that didn't get to have you as a mom and won't get to have a mother-son dance at his wedding. I pray for your 9 year old daughter who probably won't remember you when she grows up. I pray for your 5 year old daughter that is being raised by her grandparents, my aunt and uncle, while she remembers you coming around, you weren't there like you should have been. I pray that one day these children will forgive you and understand that it wasn't you that did this, it was the depression that took you away from us, not just in May of 2014 but years ago.
K, when I look up in the sky and I see a star brighter than the others, I believe its you looking down on us and watching us, wishing you where still here with us.
{love you and miss you k}
{christmas 2007}
xoxo
ac
If you know someone that you think may have postpartum please take time out of your day and talk to them about it and see that they get some help.
http://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english
xoxo
ac
If you know someone that you think may have postpartum please take time out of your day and talk to them about it and see that they get some help.
http://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english
Thinking of you Abby!
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